To the 26 people who follow me, I would just like you to know that I will no longer be posting on Cigar Chompin’ Reviews I am changing sites to reflect my desire to do more than just review games. The site is http://hyperbolicsilence.wordpress.com/ I hope that you will follow me there and I hope that I can update with more regularity. I have not finished transferring everything, but I will be working on it. Thank you and see you on the new site.

Like GTA? Then You’re A Lousy Person Says Ed Schultz.

Video games are in a unique position in this world, but are not unique in being in the position they are in, if that makes any sense. Books, music, TV, and movies have all been blamed for tragedies by a sensational press clamoring to earn a cheap buck off of the actions of the mentally ill, and now video games present a new form of media to be used by a press that have made their bread and butter from fear mongering since William Randolph Hearst came on the scene. Recently there was a tragic shooting in a Naval yard that cost at least twelve people their lives. It was a failure on the sides of many and with hindsight we can say it could’ve been avoided if we just did this or that. However, it was, to put it perhaps too simply, a tragedy, and as is their Modus Operandi the media must use it to push an agenda.

No one takes the high road, no one allows for a time of mourning anymore. Instead they show themselves to be cowardly, disgusting, and reprehensible by using the tragedy as the mad man used his gun. However, they are not among the mentally ill. They have all of their faculties and are of sound mind. They have no excuse for their depravity. They are avaricious, cruel, and unfeeling. They care not for those who were harmed and those who were failed by our broken mental health care system, they care only for their agenda. Well damn them and damn their agendas. Can we not be silent for a day when a tragedy strikes us? Can we not look at a scene of chaos and think of those harmed? At this time in history the answer is no. Perhaps one day we’ll look back on this time of fear mongering and hang our heads in shame, but until then the least we can do is call out for a moment of silence for those who were failed.

To answer Mr. Schultz’s question: It is not a matter of the First Amendment, the Second Amendment, or any amendment for that matter. It is a matter of insuring that a system is in place that keeps both the mentally ill and the public safe.


Game About The Holocaust Finds New Life Through Indiegogo

Understanding the mental toll the Holocaust took on the victims — especially children — is pivotal in a global society. – Luc Bernard


Many have confronted the Holocaust with books, poetry, stage plays, paintings, movies and more. All of these things were applauded and welcomed upon their arrival. However when a man wished to make an educational video game about the subject, he was demonized, said to be trivializing the Holocaust by turning it into a game. This showed a backwards and willfully ignorant view on video games as a storytelling platform. If we can sing a song or write a novel or film a movie on the Holocaust then surely we can use the interactive medium of video games to tell a story as affecting as; The Boy in the Striped Pajamas, Schindler’s list, The Diary of Anne Frank, right? Not according to Nintendo who initially was going to publish the project and eventually balked, seemingly dooming the project to never seeing the light of day, due to a sizable, unjustified, backlash against it. I almost cried when Nintendo, being cowardly, refused to defend this game. I thought that I’d never hear from it again. However thanks to Indiegogo it now has new life and hope as it is currently being crowd funded through the site.

The Holocaust is an atrocity where all I need to do is write two simple words and an entire story unfolds in your mind. There has been much genocide in human history, but the Holocaust is one that sticks out among them. Maybe you’ve never asked why the Holocaust does so. Perhaps you thought to do so would be unseemly or inappropriate. However, I believe that asking why is an exercise we all should take. It helps us to understand better the actions of evil men. Perhaps that’s why you avoided the question of why; to avoid understanding evil. No one can nor should find fault in you if you avoid such lines of questioning even in an introspective manner. To do so would mean enveloping your mind in the evils of avarice, sloth, pride, lust, and wrath. It’s like staring at a devil, an evil spirit, to avoid doing so is not weakness, it’s simply survival.

When concerning matters such as the Holocaust there is a comfort in simply accepting the melancholy and leaving it be. However doing so has never been enough for me and in questioning the reason as to why the Holocaust affects us so much to this day, the reasons of it being recent and its magnitude can be easily discarded. There have been more recent genocides, deadlier genocides, and genocides that are both more recent and deadlier (Stalinist Russia tends to come to mind when writing this article). My personal belief is that the Holocaust sticks with us like it does due to its mechanical nature. It was organized, well thought out and precise. The atrocities committed were done so in a factory line fashion. It was cold and mechanical; everyone in single file marching to their death, imprisonment, or worse. The men in charge standing opposite their victims at the head of the line, their hearts filled with hatred, anger, and resentment towards their victims; making no attempt to hide it on their faces they decided their victim’s fate with simple gestures or single syllable words.

If ever you were going to give to one game, give to Imagination Is the Only Escape. It is the one game that deserves it above all else. If you have a spare dollar, please give it to this game. If you were thinking of giving to another project, please reconsider what you wish your money to go towards. Make gaming more than it is. Show all that the term video game should not be taken lightly and that we as a community are mature enough to handle such a subject. Show that we are more than a simple diversion.

The Indiegogo campaign can be found here

What in the actual F***?


A recent change.org petition has been created to appeal to Rockstar Games to not release GTA:V onto PC. The creator claims that his wish is to ensure that GTA:V is not heavily pirated, and damn is it hard to type with one hand while making the jack off motion with the other. Anyways, the petition has practically skyrocketed with a staggering 28 signatures at time of writing. I myself signed the petition, not to see to it that PC gamers are left in the lurch, but to give a covert fuck you to the petitions creator Trevor Phillips. When asked why the petition was important to me I wrote in the most mature manner: GTA:V should not be allowed on PC, because I am a massive twat who should not be listened to, allowed on public forums, or allowed to breed.

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You’re welcome Trevor!

Through the Smoke: A poetic review of Receiver

Sit down and delight, with some poetry fair, let me make your day bright, using words that glide through the air.

It’s a five dollar game, a price you can afford, not one of great fame, but in playing you’ll never be bored.

So hear me well, and listen true, as I free you from boredom’s cell, and show you something there’s no equal to!

Get it here: http://store.steampowered.com/app/234190/

Cigar Chompin’ Reviews: Rise of the Triad

Rise of the triad review.

Gameplay: with dodgy AI and the inability to see where the blows are coming from at times, the gameplay has a tendency to turn into a frustrating affair. However with its mindset stuck firmly in the 90’s it can be a hell of a good time, that is until you get to the platforming, seriously whoever thinks platforming in first person when you can’t see your feet is a good idea, needs a man with a bamboo rod to stand behind him at all times to smack him whenever he wants to put platforming in a first person game .

Story:You’re cute.

Replay/Fun: with the inability to save at will, the game can quickly turn from fun romp to frustration filled replaying of the same fifteen minutes . However there is a certain thrill to watching a pair of eyes slide down your screen after an enemy explodes close to you. Having an unambiguous evil to fight is fun, and the boss battles are challenging and can be a genuine challenge, but again with the lack of quicksave I found myself cursing as much as I was cheering.

Sound: between the blaring rock soundtrack and cries of your enemies the sound is the best thing about the game, although the explosions lack any kind of oomph.

Graphics: They get the job done, but it’s nothing to write home about. They don’t look bad, but if you’re a graphic junky you might be disappointed, I wasn’t. However the V-synch constantly turning off kept me good and pissed.

Overall score: 6.6

Demented Ouya commercial gets pulled as fast as it was put up.

The Ouya has a bit of a history already, with the stunt pulled at E3 earlier this year, YouTube’s Stuart Ashens finding one in a second hand store, and mixed reviews. All of which is par for the course for a new company in the gaming industry. What isn’t par for the course? How about an advert where a man, angered to the point of tears that he wasted sixty dollars on the new Call of Duty, vomiting through the night until he is ankle deep in vomit, then ripping out his own spine and beating himself to a literal pulp with said spine, all the while tearfully cursing the industry for wasting sixty dollars. Watch it here.